The Unreal World: (5) "A" is for apple

A class in English is in progress at the Chung Hwa Chinese School. There are 32 Chinese children of the average age of eight in the class.

Class: (stands up as Lin Sen, their teacher enters the class , in Mandarin) Good morning, Teacher.

Teacher: (Also in Mandarin) Good morning, we are going to study English this morning. Please open your book to page 1. There are three new words to learn on this page. I'll write the words on the blackboard. Siew Yin, the third row, please spell the first word.

Siew Yin: "A" ...... (hesitates)......

Teacher: What's the letter? "P", yes another "P". What's after "P", Ah Bang?

Ah Bang: "L" , Teacher.

Teacher: Good, Ah Bang. Next letter, Siew Yin?

Siew Yin: "E", Teacher.

Teacher: Right, Siew Yin. Now, the whole class, spell the word.

Class: (in a loud chorus) "A P P L E" !

Teacher: Yes, "APPLE", apple. Look at the picture of the apple in your books. Now, hands up all those who have seen a real apple.

(Not a single hand goes up.....)

Teacher: (Suddenly realizes.) Oh, I forget, you were all born before the War and apples have not come back to the village since the War ended six months ago. Never mind, I'll bring the class some apples when I come across them in town.

The Unreal World: (4) Is smoking bad for you?

Ah Seng is having coffee with his friend, Ah Beng in the village kopitiam.

Ah Seng: You seem to be smoking quite a lot. Isn't it bad for you?

Ah Beng: What twenty cigarettes a day, bad for me? That's not too many. They relax me, and I can think better smoking them.

Ah Seng: But you do cough a lot lately. I hear they can give you TB.

Ah Beng: Nonsense! Besides, I smoke the best....Abdulla's and Senior Service, all imported from the UK. My mother-in-law smokes the local red uncured tobacco by the pound and she's almost eighty today, she's sound as a bell! (Shouts) Eh, boy, one more round of kopi kau and a packet of Abdulla 30.

The Unreal World: (3) A Job for Sulong

After dinner at Ali's house.

Mak Minah (Ali's wife): Our son, Sulong has been talking to me about what he wants to do.

Ali: What does he want to do? He's past his eighteen years and must think of his future.

Mak Minah: He wants to join the police. He and his close friend Awang think there's good prospect for them in that service. The pay is good and the job is secure.

Ali: There, I must say I agree with them. But he must get the job first.

Mak Minah: Yes, you're right. Matter of fact, they are planning to go to the police depot at Banting on the post-office bus next week. But he wants your agreement and blessing first.

Ali:(With some enthusiasm.) That he has, though I would like to have a good talk with him before he goes.

The Unreal World: (2) At the Barber Shop

Ah Seng is having a haircut at the barber shop run by Murthy in the village.

Ah Seng: I was here last month and you were not here. I was told you were on holiday in India.

Murthy: That's right, I was on my annual visit to my family in Madras.

Ah Seng: Oh, visiting your wife, I suppose.

Murthy: (Laughing.) And my two children!

Ah Seng: (Teasing him.) And another one in about nine months' time.

Murthy: I hope, I hope.

The haircut done, Ah Seng pays him a dollar for it, waves and goes out of the shop.

The Unreal World: (1) Ali and Ah Seng

The war has ended six months ago and the British have returned to rule over the country. A country road leading to the sea. Ah Seng is riding on his old bicycle on a country road leading to the sea and, as he nears the mangrove clumps by the beach, he sees Ali coming toward him. He jumps down from the bicycle and calls to him.

Ali: Oh hai, Ah Seng, where are you off to?

Ah Seng: Hai Ali, good to see you? Going fishing for ikan gelama in my boat.

Ali: Oh, I hear you're quite a fisherman. I hope you have a good catch.

Ah Seng: Thanks. Oh, by the way, I meant to come and see you for
some coconuts. My wife wants to cook up some oil for our use. Are you at home tomorrow morning?

Ali: Sure, I'll be home. Come at any time. How many nuts will
you be wanting?

Ah Seng: Oh, not many, about ten will do.

Ali: Well, It'll be twelve cents each now.

Ah Seng: Hey, that's up two more cents each. But, that's all right with me, I badly need oil for our lamps.

(He climbs on his bicycle and paddles off toward the sea.)

A Talk Shop, Nothing More

Talk, they say, is cheap. Not anymore.

The delegates who often attend meetings at the United Nations building spend millions of their tax-payers money on travelling, hotel and other expenses and invariably achieve nothing to solve their countries' problems. Nowadays, they are also sent all over the world usually to cities with the highest accommodation and living expenses to talk some more but still achieve no tangible solutions to such problems. Hordes of officials, translators and bureaucrats also attend these meetings to provide support for them. They too spend lots and lots of money to do that from contributions from these countries.

This is a phenomenon that appears to have the consensus approval of governments from all over the world.

Is there a chance that these expenditures can be reduced, specially for countries which cannot really afford to hobnob with the delegates from rich developed countries? Has anybody done any homework on this loss of essential funds to poor countries dragged into believing that they need to have their say in these fora? Is there anything prestigious to be earned by a poor country to to be enticed to attend a meeting miles away from it?

There are many other questions that need to be asked on this matter.

The Empire Theatre, Liverpool

January 1, 2009 in Petaling Jaya.

I have just watched a telecast of the 2007 Royal Variety Performance in the presence of the Queen and Prince Philip at the Empire Theatre in Liverpool. The telecast was for this new year's celebration.

Bon Jovi and his band and Dame Kiri Te Kanawa were both featured in this show.

I remember the Empire well and used to attend shows there in my student days in Liverpool from 1953 to 1955.
Once I attended a concert there featuring the Mantovani Orchestra under the baton of the maestro himself. It was a grand and memorable show.